


5 Kisses That Didn’t Feel Right to Sirius Black (And the 1 That Did)

by PhlamingFeonix



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alcohol, Arranged Marriage, Child Abuse, Coming Out, F/M, First Kiss, Foreshadowing, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Incest, Kissing, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mild Language, Truth or Dare, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24432064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhlamingFeonix/pseuds/PhlamingFeonix
Summary: 6 scenes from the life of Sirius Black, all featuring some kind of kiss and his varying reactions. (i.e. read the title?)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 107





	5 Kisses That Didn’t Feel Right to Sirius Black (And the 1 That Did)

**Author's Note:**

> Well this turned out a little longer than I expected, still a lot of the scenes were quite fun to write. As always, any comments/input appreciated. Enjoy :)

**1) Walburga**

“Sirius—stand up straight!”

He sighed. Today was supposed to be one of the best days of his life. It was September 1st and he was finally going to Hogwarts—a chance to learn cool spells and make even cooler friends. It was the perfect opportunity to be really excited about something. Instead his mother had insisted on being the one to take him to the station, meaning he had to put up with all of her complaints about his behaviour. Why did he need to stand up straight? Nobody else was. Glancing around the platform, he caught sight of his Cousin Narcissa and Uncle Cygnus, seemingly having a similar conversation. She didn’t seem quite so bored though, even though she’d probably had it before seeing as she was a couple of years older than him. Maybe it was just his parents who insisted on drilling manners into him from a ridiculously early age.

“Sirius I will not tell you again—pay attention when I am speaking to you!” his mother shouted at him. “This is an extremely important day for the family, why can’t you be more like your brother here—he understands what’s expected of him don’t you Regulus?”

Regulus looked up, startled at being spoken to, then nodded his head, but he was chewing his lip doubtfully; he never liked being the subject of his mother’s attention which was why Sirius usually covered up for him and took the brunt of their mother’s wrath.

Sirius, you are the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient—”

“—Most Ancient House of Black, yes I _know_ mother. Please can I get on the train now, you wouldn’t want me to miss it after all would you?” Sure enough the platform was quickly becoming less and less crowded as the students filtered onto the Hogwarts Express, preparing to leave. His mother pursed her lips and glared at him. How could her son have turned out so rude and scruffy and rebellious when she had spent years trying to train him up as a proper pureblood?

“Fine. I suppose you must get going but remember Sirius: I don’t want to hear a whisper of troublemaking from you. Your father and I are not above dragging you to Durmstrang if needs be—apparently they do punishment properly there. You must be on your best behaviour throughout the year so as to keep up appearances and you also wouldn’t want to cost Slytherin house any points would you? Now come here and give me a goodbye kiss.”

“H—Huh?” This wasn’t what he expected. The Blacks didn’t show affection. That was for _other_ families as his father liked to say. What he really meant was poor families. Besides, he was 11 years old now, going off to big school and he didn’t like his mother anyway—she was always on his case about something or other (only sometimes was that justified).

“Come on Sirius” she said, stepping forward and pulling him closer, planting a kiss on his cheek. Her red lipstick felt too sticky on his skin, and he could smell the sickly-sweet scent of her perfume. He recoiled instinctively—this wasn’t what he had come to expect from his mother. Then he glanced upwards and noticed that underneath her smiling there was a glint of frostiness in her eyes. Of course. It was all about keeping up appearances: the heir to the Black family would never be seen fighting in public with his mother now, would he? Right at that moment he couldn’t be bothered to deal with her looks of disappointment, so it would be better not to say anything at all.

Regulus shuffled his feet, looking like he might be about to burst into tears. “Yeah—it’ll be great Sirius, you’ll love it” he muttered, hanging his head.

“Thanks Reg” he replied. At least his brother would always be there from him. Having been home-schooled for the first 11 years of his life, he hadn’t had the chance to get out much and make friends with a lot of other boys his age, and when he did it was usually at stuffy pureblood dinner parties where he had to act like the ‘proper young heir’ he was. As such, he and Regulus had bonded over their shared woes and remained constant companion through life.

“I know you can’t come with me this year—but I promise I’ll write every week and tell you all about it, it’ll be like you were really there!” he whispered, pulling his brother into a warm hug. He smiled—this was what affection was supposed to feel like.

“I don’t want you to go—what’ll I do without you? And what if you make a bunch of new friends who replace me?”

“Regulus, I promise you right now that none of my friends will ever replace you. You’re my best friend, and you always will be. Try and stay out of trouble while I’m gone won’t you?” Sirius ruffled his brother’s hair and stepped back to go. At that moment, the train blew its whistle and the conductor started walking up the platform, waving his wand to close the doors as he went. Quickly he ran to the train and leapt on, then turned to lean out of the window to wave goodbye to his family but his mother had already turned away, dragging Regulus with her. As the train sped away, he craned his neck for one last look at his brother. It would be the last time he saw him for months after all.

**2) Marlene**

“James, you know how you’ve been my best friend for 4 years and everything?”

“Of course Sirius, do continue” he replied with a mischievous smirk on his face.

“Can you _please_ tell me where you managed to get hold of this Firewhisky? I don’t understand how you could’ve gotten it; surely nobody’d sell it to your ugly mug.”

“Hey, you prick! My mug is not ugly, I just don’t spend half an hour every morning doing my hair”—at this Sirius blushed indignantly—“Besides you only want to know where I got it so you can get some yourself, and Merlin knows this school doesn’t need Sirius Black with regular access to Firewhisky”.

“I thought friends were supposed to share?”

James chuckled. “That’s why we’re drinking it now, muppet. It’s time to relax and be happy—we beat Hufflepuff and won the cup. It’s about time we had something to celebrate—everyone seems so tense recently.”

“Yeah well, I think we can all guess why that is…” Sirius muttered darkly. Internally though, he agreed with James. There were rumours of a dark wizard with the power to rival Dumbledore himself, and his family had made no secret of the fact that they would be supporting this wizard if push came to shove. The conversations over the last Easter break had been enough to make him seriously worried about the future. He would like to spend an evening not thinking about it, even if it involved getting totally wasted on illicit Firewhisky. In fact, especially if it involved that.

“What’s up lads? You both down for a game of Truth or Dare, or are you too chicken?” Marlene McKinnon sauntered up to them, already clearly tipsy from the jugs of butterbeer on the table in the corner. She frowned, surprised to see just the two of them on an evening when everybody in Gryffindor seemed to be in the common room. “Where’re the other two troublemakers anyway? Usually you lot are inseparable!”

“Remus is upstairs hiding from everyone and Pete… actually where did Pete go?”

“I’m here, James” said Peter strolling up behind them, accompanied by Frank, Alice, Dorcas, and Lily (who looked rather flushed for some reason). “What’s this I hear about a game of Truth or Dare?”

“Well I was planning to sit here quietly, responsibly drinking my way through my Firewhisky” said James with a theatrical sigh, “but I guess if everyone else is up for a game then I have to be—I’ve got a reputation to uphold after all.”

Sirius grinned to himself. Of course James would be up for a game, since he was usually the loudest and most vociferous advocate of anything stupid or embarrassing, and Firewhisky could only make that worse. They settled down on the couches, loosely arranged in a circle and placed the bottle in the table at the centre. At this point most of the higher years had already left the common room, either to try and get some sleep before a day of revision tomorrow, or more likely to continue the party in their own dormitories without the risk of being interrupted by pesky lower years (or indeed the risk of professor McGonagall coming up to spoil the fun).

“Let’s get started then” said Dorcas smirking. “Alice—Truth or Dare?”

“Uhhh, I guess I’ll choose truth then…”

“Who in this group would you most like to go on a date with?”

Alice blushed fiercely and glanced down at her hands. “Well if I had to choose—it’d be Frank actually”. At this, Frank was the one who turned red and chuckled nervously. He and Alice had always been good friends, and everyone who knew them thought that they would be perfect for each other.

“OK then,” he said. “How about a date next Hogsmeade weekend?” Everybody looked at him in shock and delight—nobody had actually expected him to be the one to ask Alice out—he was by far the mildest and quietest boy in his year.

“Sure, that sounds really nice” she answered amidst a round of cheers and whoops. Both of them giggled and hid their faces in their hands, not wanting to be the centre of attention. Alice looked up and cleared her throat loudly. “Ok, moving on from that now: Sirius—Truth or Dare?”

“Let’s go with dare” he said with bravado. “I’m feeling up for something exciting—what’ll it be?”

Alice laughed. She was used to Sirius’ antics at this point and knew he would never back down from a challenge.

“Okay, I dare you to let us dye your hair pink!” A collective gasp went around the table. It was well known that Sirius’ hair was a point of pride, a way for him to rebel from his family and he had had it grown out long since his first year in a way that would infuriate his parents, however he had never dyed it such a vibrant colour. Slowly he nodded his agreement (there weren’t many options to be fair).

“Ok sure, but who’s got pink hair dye?”

Lily laughed guiltily. “I might have to claim responsibility for the inspiration for this one. I’ve got the potion in my dormitory for it—I was thinking about trying it, then if it’s really bad at least it’ll mostly be over summer.” She summoned the potion with an ‘ _Accio_ ’ and offered it to Sirius. He sighed and took it, briefly looked through the label then quickly gulped it down in one go. His mouth puckered up as the sharp taste hit the back of his throat while around him everyone roared in laughter as his hair suddenly turned a bright shocking pink. Flicking it back with a glorious flip he pulled out a mirror from his pocket and laughed along. It wasn’t actually _terrible_ ; it just wasn’t his usual style—not very punk rock.

“Okay then, James—Truth or Dare?”

“Knowing it’s you who’s challenging me Sirius, it’s probably better for me to go with truth”. Sirius laughed. The last time they’d played this game, he’d challenged James to fly around the grounds of Hogwarts naked, and that was when both of them were sober and not being egged on my some of the girls.

“Okay, I’ll go tame because I just have to know. You’re going to tell everyone: where the hell did you get that Firewhisky?”

“Really Sirius? That’s your truth question? Merlin, you really have run out of good ideas, that’s the most boring question in a game of Truth or Dare I’ve ever heard you ask.” He turned to address the whole room. “If you must know, I got it from the Hog’s Head Inn in Hogsmeade; the bartender there seems to like me.”

“I thought Filch insisted on searching you every time you come back now after you tried to sneak back with a whole collection of Fanged Frisbees to sell to the first-years?” asked Dorcas, her eyebrow raised into a doubtful arch.

“Everything I just told you was true.” James spoke carefully, with a significant look at Peter and Sirius. The implication was clear enough—he had returned to the school via one of the secret tunnels they had discovered and hidden the Firewhisky in a secret place so that Filch couldn’t get to it. “Anyway, since that was so boring: Marlene—Truth or Dare?”

“Dare!” she replied in a challenging tone. Sirius laughed—this would be funny since Marlene was always the most adventurous of the girls. She reminded him a bit of himself in some ways.

“Ok then, I dare you to kiss one of the boys.”

She giggled coquettishly. “Ooh, I guess it has to be Gryffindor’s heartthrob Sirius Black—pucker up Sirius!”

He blanched at the thought. It wasn’t that Marlene wasn’t pretty, or that he didn’t like her (in fact he got along rather well with her, the best out of all the girls). He’d just never considered actually kissing her. For all his reputation and swagger he’d never actually done that with anybody properly before and while objectively he knew Marlene wouldn’t be a bad option, Sirius wasn’t so sure about it.

“Sure thing darling!” was what he said out loud however, with an overdramatic wink for good measure as he leant towards her. The moment their mouths touched he knew his feeling of abode was correct. It was… fine he guessed? Her lips were quite soft and smooth and from what little he knew about kissing, it was actually quite good—not too wet and sloppy with saliva (he had heard his cousin Andromeda complaining about that from all the guys she’d been with over the years). But despite all this, nothing _happened_. Andi had also talked about what it was like when you did find the right person, and the way she had described it sounded magical: the butterflies in the stomach and the racing heart and the sensation of belonging. Instead he almost felt like he would feel less uncomfortable if kissing one of the marauders—at least that way it would probably be less awkward.

They broke apart and he glanced up at Marlene, noticing the disappointed but understanding look in her eye. She shrugged and her face resumed its usual amused smirk of an expression. “Not bad Sirius, but personally I won’t be lining up for another round.”

“Hah!” he barked. “No worries McKinnon, I’m sure I’ll be just fine without you. After all, with my devastatingly good looks and disarming personality, I’m sure I could charm just about anybody in the room—even some of the lads; I’m looking at you Pete!” he added with a roguish wink. Peter pretended to vomit into his hand. “As if I’d ever get with you Sirius” he laughed.

Marlene chortled at the thought. “Moving on, Lily: Truth or Dare…”

**3)** **James**

“James can I talk to you about something?” The boys were sitting in the fifth-year dormitory procrastinating, while Remus and Peter were revising Charms together (or more likely, Peter was desperately trying to relearn all the charms they might need for the O.W.L., while Remus would already be able to do all of them perfectly but still be panicking and was probably alternating between practising them anyway and sighing at Peter). Since they were already at the top of practically every class anyway, the other two Marauders had decided to put off actually starting revision for their tests as long as possible. Anyway, it was only the middle of fifth year; they still had plenty of time left to think about exams.

James looked up at him, surprised. “Sure Pads, you know you can always talk to me about anything—no need to ask.”

Sirius sighed and bit his lip. This wasn’t going to be easy but he felt like James deserved to know. It’s just that… he wasn’t used to talking to people about his problems. When it came to his family for instance, though James had already known a bit about the Blacks, having grown up in wizarding Britain, Sirius had avoided talking about them for most of the first five years at school, mostly letting the others figure it out by themselves.

“I don’t really know how to explain it but, I… I’ve been having _feelings_ recently and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Frowning, James got up and went to sit next to Sirius on his bed. He was used to his friend’s troubled thoughts, but it wasn’t like him to look this worried and appear so hesitant. Turning his head to face him he asked “OK… what kind of feelings do you mean mate?”

“Like… feelings I shouldn’t have. I think it’s been going on for a while now but, I guess it was really the end of last year when I…” he broke off.

“When you what, Padfoot?”

“When I kissed Marlene in that stupid game. It just felt so… weird”

“Ok. There’s nothing too strange about that, we’re still pretty young, maybe you just don’t like Marlene in that way.”

Sirius looked away and rubbed his neck nervously. He took a couple of deep breaths before continuing even quieter than before. “But it’s not just Marlene, I don’t think I like any girls in that way. When I’m, you know… err, ‘polishing the broomstick’ as it were… I think about… well, guys.”

James paused and reached over to put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Hey, you know nothing’s gonna change how I see you as a brother, right? If I can accept Remus being a literal dark creature, there’s no way you being gay would change things, OK.”

Sirius let out a shaky laugh, barely trusting himself to speak without his voice cracking. “I… I don’t know if I’m gay, maybe I’m just confused, I just… I don’t know,” he repeated, looking down at his hands. They sat there for a moment in silence.

“Do you want to kiss me?” James asked finally.

“What the hell Prongs, it’s not like I suddenly fancy every bloody guy I see.” Sirius burst out, his face flushing red with anger.

“No! Not like that, sorry. Merlin, I just… thought it might be helpful for you, see if it makes you any less … confused I guess. You’re probably right though, it’s a stupid idea.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realise… I mean, only if you’d be willing, er—I don’t want to force you into it or whatever, that’d be messed up…”

“Sirius it’s fine. Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not, uh… I mean, I know I only like girls but if it helps work things out for you then I don’t mind.”

The other boy nodded shyly and wet his lips, turning to face James. Hesitantly, he leaned forward and cupped his hand round James’ head, pulling him towards him. The moment their lips touched he knew it was different to before. Sure, it hardly felt perfect but then he wasn’t expecting that (It was bloody _James_ for goodness sake, they were practically brothers). His warm lips felt firm and reassuring and comfortable, as if Sirius could just settle there all day and nobody would hurt him ever again. They broke apart and he smiled. Of course it would be James who helped him figure things out—he had always been there to support Sirius and help him through rough times. It was bloody typical, perfect James Potter and his generosity and kindness and ability to always say exactly the right thing to make someone feel better. 

“Any less confused mate?”

“I think so; it was… different—better,” he clarified. I mean as I said, it’s not like I want to kiss you again”—James smirked and nodded at that— “but I guess at least I know that I think I’m… gay.” He didn’t dare look up at James’ face and see his expression. He couldn’t bear it.

“I’m so proud of you mate,” James said softly, pulling Sirius into a hug. “I can tell it’s not easy to say that; just know that I’ll always be here for you.”

“Thanks Prongs, you’re the best. And, err… could you maybe not —” He broke off and looked way.

“Nobody needs to know about this if you don’t want to talk about it, we could pretend it just never happened.” Sirius nodded at that, relieved. “What do your, uh, your family think about… this kind of stuff?” He asked tentatively as if he already knew what answer he was expecting.

“Shit.” Sirius had completely forgotten about that for the last few minutes, but it was hardly good. “My parents keep dropping hints about marriage—I think they’re expecting me to start a relationship with some pureblood family.” The subtext was obvious: the Blacks were one of the oldest families in wizarding Britain and undoubtedly one of their most pressing concerns would be the continuation of their lineage. Sirius would be expected to have an heir with whoever he married, which meant any men were most certainly off the table, even if Sirius had wanted to marry someone his parents decided.

“Well fortunately you don’t give a toss about what your parents think. They can’t force you to marry someone you don’t want to, it’s inhumane—and probably illegal anyway.”

“Yeah well, when has that ever stopped the Blacks?” Sirius muttered darkly.

**4) Narcissa**

“Narcissa? What? You have got to be absolutely barking mad! There’s no way even you could come up with an idea as crazy as that. Anyway, I can’t marry her, I’m ga—going to remind you we’re cousins! You’ve invited _first cousin_ Narcissa here so we can get to know each other better, in preparation for _marriage?!_

“Sirius that’s no way to talk to your mother or me! Your blood is some of the purest in the world, as is Narcissa’s and there has always been a history of keeping it so. In these times more so than ever with mudblood-lovers like Albus Dumbledore in positions of power it is important that we preserve the traditions of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, and that includes preserving the bloodline. Besides, your mother and I are second cousins and we are married—this isn’t that different. You are my heir and you _will_ marry whoever is best for the family.”

This was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous, thought Sirius. How could his parents possibly think he would be willing to marry his _cousin_? It wasn’t even the cousin he liked—at least he got on well enough with Andromeda despite the age difference. Even now she had been blasted off the family tree and was married to that Ted bloke he still wrote to her fairly regularly from Hogwarts. In fact, she was really the only member of his family left that he got along well enough with, since Uncle Alphard had died and his brother grew increasingly narrow-minded like his parents every day. He sighed—they had been so close when he was younger, but ever since he’d been sorted into Gryffindor they’d grown apart.

To be fair, at least it wasn’t Bellatrix—she was an absolute pureblood fanatic and a lunatic to boot. Memories of holidays when he’d come across her dissecting animals to see how they worked inside came to mind. She seemed to delight in inflicting pain on other people as well. He rubbed his arm unconsciously as he thought back to a summer one time, when he had been much younger, before Hogwarts even and she had been experimenting with slicing spells on his arm. A variant of _Diffindo_ had caused him to nearly bleed to death, and he still had the scars to this day. But the most scarring thing for Sirius was Bellatrix’s laughter while he had screamed in agony. It had an almost musical tinkling quality to it—not at all like the evil cackle everybody expected when they saw her with her long dark trusses and heavily lidded brows. In his opinion she should be locked up in Azkaban with no chance to hurt anyone, or anything else. Unfortunately, both sets of their parents had been ecstatic that she was taking an interest in new spells and had praised her creativity. His family was mad. The whole bloody lot of them.

At that moment, the doorbell rang causing Kreacher to appear in a snap. “Your brother Cygnus is here with his daughter Master Orion, Sir” he said with an obsequious bow.

“Of course, show them in Kreacher” said Orion as he turned to Sirius. “Naturally, we’ll leave you and Narcissa alone to become more acquainted with each other. I don’t want to hear a word from you against this.”

His aunt and uncle swept into the house, looking austere with their black robes and dark hair. Narcissa followed behind them, eyes downcast and long silver locks trailing behind. Sirius stayed rooted to the spot. How could his family possibly think this could work? As their parents turned to follow Kreacher through to the drawing room he caught the faintest glimmer of a warning glance in his father’s eye. On the plus side, his cousin hardly seemed any more enthusiastic about it than Sirius. “Narcissa,” he acknowledged her with a curt nod.

“Hello, cousin dearest. How have you been keeping?” she asked, her voice positively dripping with sarcasm. She approached him slowly, her chin now held up in a regal manner. “Trust me” she whispered once she was close enough as she leaned in to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

Everything about it felt wrong, like he wanted to throw up in his mouth. The feeling of her overly dry lips on his; the secret of his sexuality eating away inside him; the knowledge that he was kissing his cousin, whom he’d known effectively since he was born. It could have only lasted a few seconds at most, and while he could tell Narcissa was only doing it to appease his parents so they would leave them alone, it was one of the most awful few seconds of his life (and he had grown up in the Black family). As soon as all of the adults were out of the room they broke apart and he turned away gagging.

“I won’t pretend this isn’t hellish, and by the looks of things you seem even less keen about this than I am, but I suppose we must keep up appearances”.

“I can’t possibly believe that you want this to happen—we can’t let them go through with this,” he replied furiously.

She shrugged, the corner of her mouth twitching. “Somehow I don’t think that what we want is going to come into this. You’re the heir to the Black family fortune, and your marriage is an integral part of preserving our reputation into the next generation.” Her lips twisted into a regrettable sneer. “I’m only disappointed that it has to be with me.”

“But it doesn’t have to be! Narcissa listen to me, you’ve already finished Hogwarts, you could go and find some other posh pureblood snob to marry whom you aren’t related to. Surely there’s someone—anyone who’s better than me.”

She looked away. “I suppose I’ve grown rather fond of Lucius—you know him: Abraxas’ son, heir to the Malfoys. We were thinking of getting a place together, or rather, move into one of his family’s extensive manors. It could be nice, just the two of us—I really do like him a lot.” She smiled in a wistful, longing sort of way. Sirius noticed that it was the same smile Andromeda used to use whenever she mentioned Ted in conversation. He hadn’t written to her in a while, maybe he’d try and sneak an owl out to her later – his parents didn’t’ technically allow them to stay in contact since she had been officially disowned. “But instead, because of you I don’t have a choice. I’m sure father would be happy for me to marry Lucius—his family is part of the Sacred 28 after all. But apparently Orion _insisted_ that I stay available so I could help you become ‘proper heir’, whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

Sirius looked disgusted, but inside his blood was boiling and his knuckles were white with clenched fists. Why could his father not accept that he was probably never going to marry into another pure-blood family, let alone his cousin? “I won’t let this happen; I promise! I—I’ll run away if I have to. I won’t marry you!” His voice was rising now, as he could barely control his anger. This would be the final straw to send him out of control. For 16 years he’d lived with this god-awful family and their backward, small-minded and cruel ways. “I hate this family anyway—they’re all mad, every last one of them! It’s been too long and I can’t stand it anymore!” By this point Orion and Walburga had returned from the drawing room, furious at the commotion, particularly when they had guests round.

“Sirius! You will not dare disobey us further and you have no choice in this matter—you will do as we say or you will regret it.” His mother raised her wand threateningly at him but by this point Sirius couldn’t give less of a damn.

“NO!” he shouted. “I despise every last one of you and your filthy Slytherin pure-blood ideals. I’ve had eno—”

He broke off as Walburga’s wand swiped through the air, her eyes glittering with fury and her lips twisted into a snarl. “ _Crucio_ ” she growled, and Sirius keeled over in pain as the curse swept over him. It felt like his bones were melting in agony, and his blood burned like molten magma trying to escape his very arteries. Then as soon as it had started, the pain ended leaving Sirius gasping for breath, his face pale and with an unhealthy tinge of green. But his grey eyes flashed with a cold anger he seemed to have inherited from his parents. He darted out of the room, dodging another beam of red of light on his way. Dragging himself up the stairs he dived into his bedroom and slammed the door behind him, bolting it top and bottom. That was one of the benefits of living in a house as ancient as theirs: thick heavy doors that could be locked from the inside. His mother’s voice outside the door was screeching like a harpy and he could feel the house shake as she started hurling blasting curses at the door, trying to blow it off its hinges. Frantically Sirius grabbed his various books, parchment, quills, spare robes and telescope, throwing them into his trunk in a frenzy. He grabbed his broomstick with his spare hand and opened the window out onto the roof just as Walburga finally succeeded in breaking down the door and ran into the room shrieking and cursing. Mentally thanking the disillusionment and shielding charms cast on the area around the house, he hopped on his broom and flew off, then doubled round to the back yard. Bursting through the back door into the drawing room, he shoved his way past a startled aunt and uncle as well as a furious Orion who grabbed his cloak, trying to hold him back.

“What do you think you’re doing!” he bellowed at his son. Sirius ignored him, quickly unfastening the cloak and staggering to the fireplace. Grabbing a handful of Floo powder from the basket he hesitated for a second. James would be the obvious choice, but he might still be angry with Sirius after his mistake concerning Snape and Remus at the very end of the last year. Remus himself was still furious with him, and while Peter might be marginally better, he probably wouldn’t be up to dealing with Sirius’ problems right now. From the corner of his eye he saw his father begin to raise his wand and point it at him, so he decided it was his best option at the moment, and with a deep breath uttered “ _Potter Manor”_.

With a flash he collapsed forward onto the hearth rug in the Potter’s sitting room as coughs started racking his body. Now the adrenaline was starting to wear off he could feel the after-effects of the Cruciatus Curse lingering and he winced as his muscles contracted in pain. He recognised Euphemia Potter, James’ own mother, walk into room and freeze at the sight of him. “JAMES! Come down here now!” she screamed and rushed over to him just as the blackness hovering at the edge of his vision suddenly swirled in front of his eyes and he passed out.

**5) Fabian**

“So, I heard you and your pals had a falling out last year huh?”

“Wha—What? Oh, hey Fabian. Yeah, I guess you could say that but I also don’t really want to talk about it right now. Actually I was going to head to the library to try and get some of my Transfiguration homework done, so could you please get out of the way?” He tried to sidestep his way past the older Gryffindor, not really wanting to be reminded of all the drama last term. He wasn’t on good terms with Remus, since the other boy still refused to speak to him (which was fair, since Sirius had effectively nearly cost him his life. It was better with James—he’d taken pity on him after falling out of his fireplace over the summer. As for Peter, well he had always had a bit of a hero worship complex for James and Sirius and there wasn’t really much to be done about that. In fact, Sirius was pretty sure he could kill off Peter’s whole family and still have that boy practically crawling to him—it was a little pathetic in truth.

“I just wondered if we could have a little chat; I knew you’d have a free period right now, and so do I. Come on, let’s go in here,” and with that he smoothly dragged Sirius through the door into one of the empty charms classrooms, shutting the door and muttering a locking charm underneath his breath. “I’ve also been hearing other rumours about you…” he started with a knowing smile. “Now I don’t want to scare you off, but if I’m correct then you haven’t exactly been, uh… _making sparks with your wand_ if you catch my drift.”

Blood rushed to his face as he stuttered.

“I—I don’t know what you’re talking about. Haven’t you heard of my reputation as a heartthrob? All the witches at Hogwarts want to get with me, they’re practically drooling over me whenever I walk into the Great Hall, through the common room, in the corridors. Even ol’ Minnie probably wouldn’t mind a piece of—”

He broke off as he was interrupted by a deep, hearty laughter from the ginger Gryffindor. He rolled his head back and Sirius could see his shoulders shaking as he tried to hold back his throaty chuckle. “Oh Sirius you do make me laugh” he said. “All of what you just said is completely irrelevant—”

“Ok fine, that bit about McGonagall was a lie, but the rest of it is true!”

“Sure, so why don’t you end up actually getting down to business with any of these girls? From what I’ve heard you’re more than happy to flirt shamelessly with them, but from everyone I’ve spoken to, you’ve never actually gone any further than that. Now why could that be? Why would Sirius Black not be jumping at the opportunity to be with someone, when he could get any girl he wanted?”

“Maybe my standards are too high to allow that?” Sirius said indignantly. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“No need to get defensive! I promise I’m not here to call you out or anything. If anything it’s the opposite—I was wondering if maybe… you wanted to go past flirting? Suddenly Sirius realised that they were sitting remarkably close together and he could practically feel the heat radiating off of the boy next to him. Fabian was by no means bad-looking either—he was solidly built with well-defined muscles from his role as beater alongside his twin on the quidditch team. The ginger hair atop his round boyish face shone a bright Gryffindor red in the light streaming through the narrow window, and his brilliant blue eyes twinkled with mischief. Truthfully, Sirius might’ve caught himself staring at him across the common room a few times in the past. But surely this wasn’t about to _happen_ was it?

“I don’t usually—I’m not sure about—”

He was abruptly cut off as Fabian pressed his lips against Sirius’. His mind was racing and his heart felt like it might explode with terror in his chest. There was a reason he had never dared to go further than flirting with anyone—witch or wizard—he was genuinely scared of what it would turn out to be like. “Oh!” he gasped once they’d broken apart

“This your first time with a guy, huh?” Fabian asked, grinning.

“I mean… yeah kinda, I don’t…” he stammered. Trying to work out what to say when his heart seemed to be going a million miles a minute, and his brain even faster was impossible.

“Don’t worry about it Black, it gets easier and better the more you do it. Trust me, I’m an expert. Hey, we’re not gonna do anything you don’t want to, okay? I just think we could have a bit of fun if you know what I mean?” He said with a teasing wink and a mischievous smirk tugging at the corners of those deliciously juicy lips. “For what it’s worth, I really hope you make up with your mates soon—you’ve seemed pretty downbeat recently and it looked like you could do with some cheering up.”

Sirius nodded hesitantly. Okay so it was hardly like he knew Fabian _that_ well, but he was right—Sirius had been miserable lately (not all of it due to Remus, but that was certainly a large contributing factor). Surely it couldn’t hurt to have a little bit of fun, he thought as he leaned into the other’s arms, a matching smirk on his face and blood rushing to somewhere rather different from his face.

**+1) Remus**

“Thanks for the help Moony, I really appreciate it” called James as he reached over and hefted his trunk from where Remus had set it down on the platform. James himself had had his hands full carrying all their various pets and other items that had been forgotten about until the last minute and so weren’t packed away in their trunks yet.

“No worries Prongs, though I’m still not sure why you think you’ll be needing all of this stuff for a couple of weeks’ holidays. You’re even going to your parents’ house—It’s hardly like they’ll be short for wizarding supplies!” He broke off and glanced around at his friends’ collection of stuff, sighing regretfully. “You guys know I’d love to come, right? It’s just the timing of the bloody moon this year and my mum’s not too well at home… it’s for the best if I stay here over Christmas.”

James gave a sad smile and nodded in understanding. They’d already been over this three times, but there was no feasible way for the Potters to contain Remus when he transformed and given that the full moon happened to fall on Christmas Eve this year, it certainly was mighty inconvenient timing. “It’s not your fault Remus, we all understand and we’re gonna miss you this Christmas. Take care of yourself! Now, come on Wormtail, let’s get these bags onto the train and nab some good seats, we can say goodbye in a minute; you coming Padfoot?”

Sirius sighed. It had been a whole term of him and Remus not speaking and by this point it had grown unbearable. Aside from James, Remus was his closest friend and they had never had this much of an argument before; he would do practically anything for them to be friends again. Any time he looked at the other boy, or even thought about him it was like his heart was going to implode from the pain—a visceral, gut-wrenching sorrow and regret for how badly he’d messed everything up. “Give me a second, I want to…” he trailed off but James understood where he was going and beckoned to Peter to join him on the train.

Sirius took a deep breath. “Remus, I know that I’ve spent basically the entirety of the last term apologising and you’re probably sick to death of it by this point. I won’t pretend like I deserve forgiveness from you ‘cos I really don’t. I was a bloody fool and I put multiple lives in danger, yours included. Severus may be a dick sometimes but he should never have been placed in that situation, and it’s cost me your friendship. But please, I want to know if there’s something I can do—anything at all that can help, at least in some small way to begin to start making things right for you—”

“Sirius, please be quiet—”

“I know I can never repay you. What I did was wrong and stupid, I… I guess partly it was to do with my family who were getting more and more aggressive in their attempts to try and make me more like them, not to mention trying to marry me off over the summer…”

“Sirius Black! Just shut up—”

“Not that that’s supposed to be an excuse or anything, I know there is no excuse but I’m just trying to explain where the frustration at Sniv— uh, Snape was coming from. Please speak to me Remus, I miss hearing your voice and it just hurts so goddamn much, I know I can’t expec—”

He broke off as he was interrupted by Remus’ warm mouth pressing against his own, the other’s lips moving against his in a delicate dance of delight. His mind seemed frozen in a state of bliss, overpowering the sudden confusion as to what exactly in _hell_ was going on. This was most certainly unexpected—the first time Remus truly acknowledged him that term was with a _kiss_? But even as his mind was racing away trying to rationalise all the different outcomes, his body knew that it didn’t care. His shoulders sagged as he felt himself relaxing into it, his backflipping stomach gave way to an elated feeling, like he was soaring through the air on the back of a Hippogriff. He felt the butterflies, and the racing heart and the sensation of belonging. Though it could have only lasted a few seconds, it would remain one of his most treasured memories for the rest of his life.

After they broke apart, for the first time in 5 months, Remus Lupin smiled at him and murmured “well at least that shut you up.”

“I… I… What the f—fuck just happened?”

Remus sighed and looked down. “Sirius Black, if you think the last term has been hell for you, it’s been hell for me too. It turns out that I can’t bear not talking to you, not spending time with you, or laughing with you, or doing… well anything with you really. The day I woke up after that full moon, I promised myself that I would never forgive you for what you did, but every day since then I’ve been questioning that decision. I love you Sirius, and much as I might hate myself for it, it can’t be helped.

“I… Thank you Moony from the bottom of my heart thank you, and I swear on everything you hold dear that I will never do anything as stupid or irresponsible or reckless as that again.”

He laughed. “Pads, you’re one of the most stupid and irresponsible and reckless people I know, and that’s part of what makes you so damn attractive. I’m tired of fighting, and I think you’ve suffered enough from this—why bother expending more energy on that when we could be getting on with other things?” A cheeky smile threatened to burst onto Remus’ face as he said that.

Sirius’ eyes widened in surprise. “Merlin, I… I was not anticipating this. You’re honestly wonderful Remus, and I am totally up for _other things_ ,” he exclaimed in shock.

“On second thoughts, I think perhaps you can wait another two weeks for that,” smirked Remus. “Let’s call it the final part of your punishment.” And with a cheery wave, a promise to write over the holidays and a brief goodbye to the other two boys who had just returned from the train to grab Sirius before it left, he set off back up the hill to Hogwarts.

“Pads? You OK there?” said James, looking at Sirius suspiciously and going over a mental checklist of all the things that might cause him to freeze to the spot.

“Yeah… I’m OK. Better than that, actually—much better. I think things are going to turn out alright.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I know Fabian isn't canon age in this fic, but I couldn't resist putting it in there - they just seem like such a good pairing (if it weren't for wolfstar, obviously). Anyway, now time to start writing another multi-chapter one, seeing as I'm still stuck at home.


End file.
